The Blogging problem...

I had almost forgotten about my blogging account and for a long time I have kept myself busy with other things, then what is it that brings me back here? Well its the blogging problem.

Everybody blogs these days. I for one certainly see no problem with that, as I feel its a good medium of expression and also that my blogs will form a good read for my own self in the future (maybe I'll get to retrospect a lil on reading my own blogs), so as far as I am concerned the blogging problem is not about blogging at all, but its about people who write stuff and then expect me as their friend to read what they have written and give them my "genuine"opinion on what I feel about their literary achievements. Now its very natural to mellow down your response to suit what your friends actually want to hear from you, but a recent incident made me realize that I can really be very rude to people who have actually considered me worthy enough to ask me how I felt about their blogs.

So here goes the story, this friend of mine, who has recently joined my friend circle (and so does not know much about me besides any first impressions he has got of me) asked me to read and correct a movie review he had written for his blog. It seems my name had been suggested by another friend. It also came up during the conversation that this honour was bestowed upon me not because of my literary skills but because of the fact that it is generally don't say no when my friends ask me a favor and that in all my friend circle I was the one least likely to make fun of the obvious lack of composition skills of the newbie. And thus began the very highly irritating two hours by the end of which I had wrote some nasty comment or the other about almost every sentence of the said writeup.

I sent the reviewed document back to him not expecting a reply after the way in which I had criticized his work, to my surprise I received a mail with the corrected version and a note which thanked me for all my efforts and reminded me that "you know you should sometimes tell lies to keep up the spirit " . Later that evening he sent out the link to his blog to all his friends including myself and on top of the blog was the line "A big thanks to Shivani to help me out in putting my expressions in words." I was kind of happy and embarrassed by this gesture. The writeup was still pretty much the same except that it was free of the most glaring of its grammatical errors and so I was making my peace with the situation. All of us met for dinner and somebody asked the newbie when his next post was coming. As I listened to the answer I secretly hoped that this time I wouldn't be asked to review...

Too many thoughts... too few words

Wanted to write something for a very log time, its not that nothing has been happening, rather the reason that I have not been regular is that a lot was happening around me and I feel that I just don’t have the literary range to express so much. I don’t really know when I reached that point, but now I realize that the reason for all my mental unrest is the fact that I care a little too much of what the people think of me.

Few days back my fortune cookie read “Don’t worry over what others are thinking about you, they are too busy worrying what you think of them” which was very enlightening. After this I thought a lot and realized that I have to learn to love my self, and thus I should be careful that I don’t hurt myself by my own actions. For this I also need to realize that all actions do not have immediate consequences, so there might come times when I’ll be sorry for the things that I have done but I guess you can learn only by making mistakes and what the heck… every one is entitled to their set of mistakes in life. And to the people who are out there judging me, well in most cases you worse than me.

Both sides now..

I would like to share the very beautiful lyrics of a song by Joni Mitchell...


Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on evryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all
Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all



Great words.. :)

To be or not to be ...

CAT result was out on 8th, and I avoided seeing my results till the 10th, as it happened many people were more interested in knowing my result than I myself was and for two days all kinds of acquaintances kept asking me what my result was, and finally I had to see my result just to satisfy their curiosity. Getting 98.42 %ile is strange. Though you don’t get any calls, still people feel that it is a very good score and that it is their moral responsibility to congratulate you and console you at the same time. I was a little surprised to see my own result, as far as I remember I had not done much in the paper, how I got even this much is a mystery I have yet to solve.

Why am I discussing all this when this years result has hardly affected me is because all this drama brought back the memories of last year when on the day of the result I had cried my eyes out when I had failed to get calls from any of the IIMs. I seriously thought that the sole aim of my life was to get admission in a good B-school, I did get admission in a few colleges but I myself don’t know why I did not join (though I don’t regret my decision as working with Adobe has been a great experience). But in the past six months I have changed a lot. I have asked my self again and again, do I really want to go for further studies? I am not sure. Do I have to be ambitious only because that is what is expected of me? I have started realizing the importance of such introspection, and so should thousands of others who are running in this rat race without thinking for even one second what their true calling is. Many of my friends joined different B-schools last year, when we meet now two common comments I hear from them are that “I don’t really know why I am doing an MBA” and “All they teach you in MBA is how to dish out a lot of crap and still sound important”. Which just goes to prove that not all people who do an MBA really enjoy the experience, so what is the guaranty that I will? Do I really want to waste two long years of my life just waiting for those two years to get over? But if not this – then what? Lots of times it is said that everyone has their own set of special talents and abilities, so to say everyone has a ‘calling’, well, even if that is true, I have yet to discover mine. So till the time I do, I will continue to celebrate CAT as an annual festival…

Six months ... Three trips...

I am back after a long break... We have a ten days shutdown at Adobe for Christmas and New Year. I had gone to Shimla, and near by places in this break- great experience. Saw snow for the first time in my life, and will have to admit that it was definitely one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.
It’s been six months since I have left college and started living in Noida and in these six months I have been to three different hill stations (Manali, Nainital, and Shimla). All three trips were very different from each other in many respects. If I had to rate these places in order of scenic beauty, Manali, Nainital, and Shimla would go first, second and third in that order, (Here I am talking of the main cities, and not the near by places). Though besides the scenic beauty there are a lot of other things which contribute to the experience of a holiday.

We had gone to Manali around September for company a team trip. Back then I was very new to the company and did not know many people. It was the most well planned of the above three trips with almost every minute detail taken care of well in advance. It was a good trip in the respect that I got a chance to interact with many of my colleagues and my comfort level with them increased manifold. Highlights of the trip- Rappelling, shopping, and evening drinks and dinner with colleagues. Missed paragliding at Rohtang due to bad weather.

The Nainital trip was the first of its kind. It was only seven people including me. Though it was a very short trip, starting on Friday night and ending on Monday morning, and November is not exactly the best time to go to Nainital still it was definitely the most enjoyable. During this trip we stayed at a place near Nainital called Kausali. It is a beautiful place, mostly devoid of tourists at that time and thus very peaceful. Most of the time there was spent dancing around the bonfire and gossiping with friends (Had some very interesting discussions with friends about Dil Dosti etc. ;)). Thank God for wonderful friends.

And now we come to the most recent i.e. the Shimla trip. The longest trip of the lot, took a total of five days including the traveling time. What makes this trip different is the fact that I gave up going home in order to be able to go on this trip, which is definitely a first. I had gone expecting to see a white Christmas at Shimla but was disappointed in that respect (thankfully our plans included going to Kufri and Narkanda where we got to see all the snow we were looking for J). Shimla is full of tourists at Christmas; it really surprises me that so many people can actually fit in one city at once. It is a completely commercialized tourist destination where the mall road resembles any large shopping mall with the showrooms of most big brands present. For people who do not have shopping on their minds there is nothing much to do. We did eventually get a chance to do ice skating and skiing, had great fun (though I will have to admit that I am not cut out for winter sports L). Overall a good trip.

I do hope that this trend continues and I get to see more places…